"How to Win Friends and Influence People" | Part 2

These are my notes on the almost 100 year old book written by Mr Dale Carnegie.

Welcome back! You can read the first part here. Let’s continue from where we left off.

So the next part of the book deals with how you can win people to your way of thinking. The first point the author highlights here is that most of the time, you should avoid arguments. Primarily because arguments only antagonize both parties even more. But we are social beings, and you can’t go about your life without ever having to disagree with anyone. So read further to know Mr Carnegie’s points on how to get the person in front to listen.

One thing is that you have to always try to start on a friendly note, not an attacking or hostile one. You can never bend a mind when the person in front of you is more concerned about defending themselves than listening to you. Also, it is very difficult to change the tone of the dialogue once it has been set.

Mr Carnegie had observed that when you try to understand the other person’s POV and not say “You’re wrong.” outrightly, you can have a better time conversing and discussing actual facts instead of one of the two engaged in fighting back.

You may have experienced the next point on your own. The author asks us to let the other person do the talking and to drive them to think the idea is theirs. How many times have you talked yourself into something by arguing both sides of the point, think of how much easier it would be if you just gave a little push towards your ideas when a person is going through this.

You can also appeal to nobler motives like their fairness and honesty so that they have a reputation to live up to and have a hard time going rogue. Plus, you can also appeal to a person’s competitive side to get them to their best.

I’ve saved the best point out of this section for the last. The author asks you to admit quickly when you are wrong. This takes the ammunition out of the other person’s arsenal. Since you were “wrong”, the other person feels important (go back to what we learnt in Part 1) and “has mercy”, therefore being much more receptive to your POV.

Will continue in the next part. Meanwhile, keep these points in mind when interacting with people.

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