"How to Win Friends and Influence People" | Part 1

These are my notes on the almost 100 year old book written by Mr Dale Carnegie.

The first chapter of the book started on a very timid note, where Mr Carnegie asked the readers to not criticize anyone. Weird advice right? What if someone is just doing the exact wrong thing? But I persisted with the book. If this book has stood the test of time, there must be something valuable inside, and I’m glad that I stuck with it.

The thinking behind not criticizing someone when they make a mistake is that this whole dialogue would lead to the other person resenting you and going on the defensive. It serves you better to be forgiving because then the other person would move heaven and earth to not repeat the mistake.

All us humans, have an innate desire to feel important and that brings with it the want to be appreciated. Mr Carnegie had found, that in life, honest and sincere appreciation moves people like almost no other thing. Even John Rockefeller, one of the richest men in history, considered this attribute to be one of the secrets of his success in handling men. And the author asks you to provide SINCERE appreciation because people can sense flattery, and that pleases no one.

Now, you might think that when you need someone to do something, you should just come right out and say it. But the problem with this is that no one actually cares what you want. Every one of us cares about what we want. Talk about what the other person wants and how they can get it. Because you have helped them “feel important”, like we talked about before, they are infinitely more likely to help you.

Now the next part might seem repetitive, but you need to drill it down into your brain to practice it. Mr Carnegie talks about how you can make people like you. And it’s very simple, no fake persona needed. He reiterates the need for each of us to feel important, which you can make the other person feel if you are genuinely interested in them and their interests, if you are a good listener and you talk in terms of their interests.

Things as simple as smiling and remembering people’s names also make the list. Now smiling is okay, but remembering names? Seems like an unimportant thing, right? But think of the conversations you had where the person in front just did not remember your name, did you feel good or bad? Our names are unique to us, so if someone remembers them, they make us feel important. Simple.

I don’t want this article to be too long, so I’ll continue this in a later article. Meanwhile, keep these points in mind when interacting with people.

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